EPHESIANS: Sacrifice, Love, and Husbands

EPHESIANS Number 62

Ephesians 5:25 (KJV 1900)
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

It can be easy for us to read this verse and take from it an instruction to love our wives. Some of us have heard the comment, meant to be humorous, “I told her I loved her when we got married. If anything changes, I’ll let her know.”

Many of us who share the typical male proclivities may almost naturally think that if we provide for our wives and protect them, we are demonstrating love. That is true, of course. When we provide and protect, we are, in important ways, laying down our lives for our wives. Talking amongst ourselves, we may even affirm that, if necessary, we would die to ensure their safety.

But there is a far greater depth of meaning here. When we look carefully at the example given to us by the Lord Jesus, we will find that there is a far greater form of self-giving. There is more than one way to lay down one’s life.

Jesus focused His attention on those around Him. To be sure, He took time away from the crowds. He spent time in prayer. He secluded Himself and rested. Nevertheless, we read in several places of Him being moved with compassion, of Him having compassion on the people. He was focused outward. He laid down His life at the cross, but in big ways and small He laid it down every day of His earthly life as well.

Earlier we read a passage from Matthew 20: 25-28. There we saw that the Lord Himself did not come to be served by those who would become His bride, but rather, He came to serve them.

This is where it can be easy for us to miss what the Spirit is saying to us. Loving our wives is an act, not just of emotion or loyalty; it is an act of service. Men who make it their business to serve their wives, putting the interests of their wives ahead of their own, will find the profound meaning of the one-flesh union of which the Scriptures speak. They and their wives will also find deeper revelation about the one-spirit union they have with God.

When husbands put their wives first, some may say that they have failed to be the head. People may say that their wives are the real leaders in their families. Or that they are weak milquetoast men with no spine or intestinal fortitude.

Such comments come from those who have failed to grasp the spiritual truths being communicated in this part of Ephesians. When we lay down our own lives and put the needs and best interests of another ahead of our own, we model godly (agape’) Love. To view headship as mere leadership is to miss the point entirely.

Perhaps an example would be helpful. If someone’s wife has innately good judgement and sees risks that their husband misses. If she is a better planner and more adept at financial management, but finds technical things incomprehensible, for example. Perhaps it would make sense that she be charged with managing those things. Perhaps for her to be free to do that, her husband might need to step in and do housework or care for other tasks traditionally or conventionally carried out more often by women. He might even need to defer to her judgement when making important decisions or contemplating significant expenditures.

This is not so much about observance of traditional or conventional roles and duties as it is about working together as a team and pulling in the same direction. If this means that the husband must lay down his pride, put up with some persecution, or appear weak to outsiders, then so be it. This form of laying down of one’s life is an act of godly (agape’) Love just as surely as is taking a bullet to protect her.