EPHESIANS: Children and Parents

EPHESIANS Number 66

Ephesians 6:1–9 (KJV 1900)
1Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
2Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)
3That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
4And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Paul grounds his instruction that children should obey their parents in three principles. First, he indicates that such obedience is simply right. We find in every culture that people naturally expect children to obey their parents. It is fundamental to an orderly society.

Secondly, he points out that God has made clear that children are not only to obey, but also to honor their parents. John R.W. Stott * points out that “In his quotation Paul freely conflates the Greek text [LXX] of Exodus 20:12 (‘Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long …’) and Deuteronomy 5:16 (‘that it may go well with you’).” God put these ordinances in the Law.

Thirdly, Paul makes it clear that obedience to parents and parental honor should be given “in the Lord.” In this way, he makes it clear that even now, after the cross and after the Law has been made obsolete and a new covenant has been instituted, this attitude and conduct befits those who are in Christ. As His righteous and holy children this is the attitude of our hearts.

This is clearly an important issue. In Romans 1:28–32 (KJV 1900) we find “And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient [appropriate, or fitting]; being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful. Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.”

From this passage we can see that not only is this against the Law of God, (it is His judgement that these things deserve death) but it is against the natural law as well. Children know that disobedience is wrong. In fact, this innate knowledge is one thing that makes it easy for the unscrupulous to take advantage of children.

Again in 2 Timothy 3:1–2 (KJV 1900) Paul warns Timothy that “in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy.”

Here disobedience to parents is listed with the evil we are warned will come as the world continues its slide into ever deepening unrighteousness in the last days.

So, how do we understand this? Many of us are aware of (and some of us even come from) severely broken, oppressive, and abusive family situations.

I find these instructions to children very similar to the way Scripture presents our obedience to the governing authorities. When considering life under ungodly authority I always come back to the same place. I look at the way Jesus and the Apostles conducted themselves during the Roman empire. Near the end of the Apostolic period, the Roman emperors had set up temples where the people were expected to worship them as gods.

The Apostles never denied Christ by participating in any such thing, and at least several of them were martyred. I see no scriptural support by which we can justify behaving differently from them. They were peaceful and obedient until they were told to stop worshiping the Living God or telling others about the Lord Jesus.

Similarly, children are not being instructed to obey their parents in everything without exception. Rather, they are to obey in everything compatible with their Lord Jesus Christ.

Jesus demonstrated both radical obedience and resolute resistance. In those things that might require forsaking faith in God, He resisted. In this regard we might think of His temptation by the enemy, or His reaction to desecration of the temple by money changers acting as if God’s favor and blessing could be bought. Yet in those things that did not affect His obedience to God, He obeyed the authorities. We might remember his response when asked about paying taxes to Caesar, or His restoration of a severed ear as He allowed the authorities to lead Him off to His crucifixion.

Central to these verses is the idea of mutual respect and proper use of positional roles. Children should respect their parents, but parents should not abuse the power they have. Instead, they are to help children grow in the Lord, just as the Spirit of our heavenly Father does for us.

For their part, children are to subject themselves to parental authority.

* John R. W. Stott, God’s New Society: The Message of Ephesians, The Bible Speaks Today, (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1979), 238, 239.